Disappointment….

Ok, I dropped the ball a bit the last few days, well since Thursday. I don’t know what it was that made me lose control but I really don’t want it to happen again. I didn’t eat right and I didn’t go to the gym and I just felt horrible. I saw an oncoming of a six pack on Wednesday and now my tummy is back to being too far over my pants than I like and I am really disappointed in myself. And I am finding it really hard to get motivated to go to the gym again, I just don’t know what it was that stopped me. I really need to get back into the rhythm of going to the gym after work and eating healthily again.

I’ve started today off on the right foot with fruit for snacks and a not so bad lunch but I really want to go to the gym now but I just feel sick, I don’t know whether it was my lunch (seeming it was left overs from last nights dinner) or if it’s just my anxiety kicking in coz I haven’t been to the gym in a few days and I’m worried that people would be judgmental of me because of that (I don’t know why I feel that way, I just do) or I don’t know, probably my mind playing games with me. A lot of what I’m trying to do is mind over matter and I’m trying to teach myself that and block out the negative thoughts my mind says and try to put positive thoughts back in there, but it’s hard. A lot harder than what I thought, I thought I was going strong but I clearly got kicked down some how and now I realise I’m not as strong as what I thought I was…

Hopefully I’ll find some motivation to go to the gym and at least do a little training session to get back into doing it every night. But I’m hoping that I’m eating enough of the good stuff and I’m not missing out on anything that my body needs. (I went for a blood test on Saturday so hopefully I’ll find out soon if I’m lacking in anything.) I just want to be doing whats right for me and my body and my life, I just seem to be struggling though, Is it usually this hard to be healthy?